Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize