walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
