"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
