ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
