so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
