You made me cry and you don't even care
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize