last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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