why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Randomize
