Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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