I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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