you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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