Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
