Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm both gender and math confused
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