the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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