found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
