i was rollin on her like bob the builder
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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