But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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