how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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