I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
