Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
