yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
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