no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
