I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
