lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
then he tried to convert me to islam
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
