Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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