i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
