I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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