I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
