Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
nutella sex= disaster
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
