so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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