I'm drive I can fine osifer
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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