I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
