I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
