i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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