My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
