RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
