No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
