After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
