I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I CAN MOONWALK!
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
