i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I am one with the molecules
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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