I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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