I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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