wrigley field is MILF paradise
oh god the rape fog is back!
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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