Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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