Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
