Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
