You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
