My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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