Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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