He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
