I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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