I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize