Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
