Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
