Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
