Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
