I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
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