You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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