Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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