Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
