This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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