Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
