the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize