She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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